I'm clarifying things today. wish me luck?

this happens way more than it should. i've just realised it.

my heart jumped a million miles upwards when i saw him today. it was weird and brief and even weirder because he had only been gone for like two or three days but i hadn't realised how much i missed him and his antics until today. i was hanging out with putri and eja (after a whole day of brunching then hanging out at the wave and then some mai-rakuing) in the lobby when putri spotted him going off into the coop. it was pretty hilarious because we all knew that he would come hang out with us for a bit since he was alone (aka not with any of his friends) and we looked like we weren't doing anything too special and so putri instantly made her signature face (half grinning, half smiling...all done maniacally) while eja moved his bag away from the seat that was next to me. putri and eja (of course) then went off to give us some alone time but in the end we only talked for around 10~15 minutes because i was planning to watch "wallace and gromit" in ap house 2 while he was planning to teach amanda some japanese. the conversation still made me smile though; i talked about mai raku practise while he talked about what he did in his hometown (playing the guitar a lot, apparently) and we shared his ice cream and patted my head as we talked. it was nice. it's not fair how much he affects me just with his smiles and small (sometimes incomprehensible japanese) talk.

i told fanny today about all my episodes with him and shock (as a reaction) is a bit of an understatement. it was pretty effing hilarious. i love her too bad even though we don't hang out that much.

i don't know though, i don't want to keep my hopes up too high...it's only been two weeks and even though he makes my insides do aerodynamically impossible back flips, it's not like i'm doing the same to him. i still haven't figured out why i like him so much (and so fast...like a shinkansen XD) because to be honest, we didn't talk much before the awkward facebook chat. i mean, yea, he's attractive, but there must be something more than that. maybe i'm just a little sick of being part of only a single entity for all these years and i just have so much love i want to share...not just to my friends and family but to that special someone that i really really want to chuck all my love at. but then that sounds desperate and silly and i've only ever been the latter all my life.
 

snap crackle pop. snap crackle pop. the sound of my knees go snap crackle pop but...i want this so bad, i want to be able to perform the nanazumai...i want to look as awesome as my senpais when they do it. i don't want to wait for the freshman perform later in early summer. it's hard work though and my body disagrees to it more than it does to yosshakoi, which, frankly, is pretty daunting. i still love the feeling of being able to do some parts and to be honest, the satisfaction of being able to do it exceeds the satisfaction i feel when i can do the yosshakoi dances...